jokes are most certainly illegal. knock knock you say? ill tell you who’s there. the fucking police.
my condolences to anyone who knew me two years ago
my condolences to anyone who still knows me now tbh
Man what the fuck why the fuck is this on my fucking dashboard
If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic again as they all try to find the last ending.
are you satan
my love is like a candle, if you forget me, i will burn your fucking house down
a boy i dated like two years ago just posted a status on facebook about how much he loves his girlfriend but last night he messaged me saying he misses me and if he ever got the chance he wouldnt hesitate to try and kiss me again and i have all the screenshots of that conversation that i am fully capable of sending to his girlfriend i have this kid right by the balls and i am holding the screenshots for the ransom of 25 taco bell chalupas